Summer Will Always Remind Me of My Big Heartbreak

Summer will always remind me of my big heartbreak.

It wasn't "big" because I lost THE man of my life-I don't believe there's just one perfect match for each of us. It was big because of the emotions it unraveled: the pain, the grief, the loss of trust, the loss of my self-confidence, and the transformation that followed.

For context: the breakup came as a total shock, just two months after I moved in with him. There had been no arguments, no warnings, just a clean break from his side, and a frustrating lack of clarity.

It was Spring 2021, and I was shaken. After a few weeks of denial, grief arrived. At first, I was grieving his presence: the loss of the person who had been closest to me for the past year. But then it became clear that what I was really grieving was how he made me feel: loved, held, safe.

This heartbreak was transformational because it forced me to confront the parts of myself I had been avoiding by being in a relationship. I realized, only after the breakup, that I had been relying solely on him to feel loved. When that vanished, I felt unlovable. Broken. Lost.

That summer, I stayed constantly busy, surrounding myself with friends and (too many) bad dates to avoid being home alone. I was socially and physically drained; the heartbreak physically hurt and felt like it would never end.

During this period, I began writing regularly to process my feelings. I wrote letters to him that I would never send. After months of writing to him, it became clear: it wasn't him I needed to confront, it was myself. So I began writing letters to myself. Through words, through writing, I started being kinder and more loving towards myself. That's when journaling became a healing practice: a way of expressing my emotions and turning them into something tangible and cathartic.

It would have been so easy to blame him, and for a while, I tried to stay angry at his inability to communicate. But that would not have changed my reality, or the necessary healing I had to go through.

Regaining my self-confidence was a slow, gradual process. Healing my sweet broken heart took the time it took. I can't say for sure when I finally felt good again, but I know it did not happen overnight…

I find it magical how something once so painful now feels like a blessing. I had to feel a lost and shaken, just to find my ground again, and to find the way back to my core, my values, my joy.

My worth and my joy were never meant to be tied to another person. The love that lets me walk this earth with a soft heart lives in the relationship I have with myself. No one else can give me that pure, essential feeling of home, of being truly held.

Now, when summer comes around, I think of that heartbreak with a smile and a heart full of tenderness for my younger self . She needed her heart to break so she could learn how to mend it herself. She needed to fall apart to find her own strength.